Vampires of the Velvet Lounge 2026

Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Báthory (1560-1614) was a macabre, aberrant adult believed to accept been the afflatus for Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula (1897), an allegedly apparitional actuality said to accept been the best abounding consecutive analgesic in history. But did she absolutely die in 1614 as believed, or did she secretly alive on in perpetuity, continuing to convenance her belled blood-sucking means throughout the centuries? That’s the catechism aloft in writer-director Adam Sherman’s latest affection outing, an all-out, no-holds-barred apish abhorrence antic that epitomizes the over-the-top attributes of grindhouse claret offerings. Set in abreast Savannah, Georgia, the blur follows the abominable apparitional practices of the abiding Elizabeth (Mena Suvari) and her coven of disciples, alive out of a aback alleyway absinthe bar area their biting victims are absorbed through internet dating websites. There the blood-sucking undead wreak calamity on their gullible, hormone-driven targets – both macho and changeable – some of whom biking beyond the country for trysts with the alluring temptresses. These exploits are told through a awful stylish, uber-sexy, conspicuously gluttonous anecdotal accentuated by a vibrant, abundant assembly design, bright appropriate effects, a animated ball music soundtrack, amusing banter, and lots and lots of scattering claret – buckets of it, in fact, berserk cutting through the air in all admonition like amoral projectiles on a mission (um, acute and annoyed admirers should apparently booty note). All of these excesses, however, are acutely advised for best shock (or is it schlock?) effect, bribery the amusement amount of these relentlessly aberrant images for all they’re worth, abnormally back it comes to breeding affable groans and ample laughs. The ante gets added upped actuality back the adventure introduces a brooding, contemptuous vampire hunter (Dichen Lachman) absorbed on clandestinely tracking bottomward her prey, as able-bodied as a leash of clueless middle-aged affair boys (Tyrese Gibson, Stephen Dorff, Lochlyn Munro) out for a acceptable time who end up accepting added than they bargained for. For all of these congenital strengths, however, the calligraphy could use some much-needed reining in and cogent abbreviating up in spots as the cine regrettably avalanche victim to meandering, too abounding different and arrested adventure threads, and, as the adventure wears on, oversaturation of some of its advisedly bleeding afterimage gags. These shortcomings, however, are added than fabricated up for the superb bad babe performances of Suvari and her assembly of blatant accomplices. The blur additionally sends a less-than-flattering bulletin about the potentially inherent pitfalls associated with internet dating platforms (and what they could advance to), a attention delivered through an abrupt but astute ascertainment fabricated by one of Elizabeth’s cohorts and the use of computer awning montages at the alpha and end of the picture, confined as allegorical accurate bookends of sorts. In all, though, it’s a abashment that the foundation basal this release’s adventure doesn’t absolutely alive up to the added accomplished emphasis elements present in the film. Had it managed to circuit a yarn as finer as it fabricated it look, this absolutely would accept fabricated for one helluva deliciously adorable accusable pleasure.

Vampires of the Velvet Lounge (2026) opens with a alternation of intertitles account the oft-told adventure of Adult Elizabeth Báthory, acquainted that she “allegedly died in 1614” and that “her bequest morphed into that of a vampire-like figure, cementing her cachet as history’s best abounding consecutive analgesic with the accomplished accepted afterlife count.” Too many, it would appear, to put in exact numbers. The chat “allegedly” has been misplaced. It should not be activated to the date she died or the actuality itself of her afterlife but to the crimes Báthory was accused of. Later on, the film’s chat will echo the “highest afterlife calculation of any consecutive analgesic in history” claim, abacus that Báthory drained “hundreds of adolescent maidens of their blood.” In reality, the adult and her agents were accused of killing anywhere from 600 to 1600 victims but were bedevilled for 80 counts of annihilation — and alike that charge be taken cum grano salis. It’s additionally account acquainted that while the aperture captions acknowledgment that “rumors began to swirl” afterward the afterlife of Báthory’s husband, decidedly apropos “her attraction with attention youth, which led her to bath in the claret of adolescent women,” these rumors aboriginal appeared over a aeon afterwards her the countess’ own death. Although this prologue acknowledges that Báthory was a affluent landowner, the blur neglects to admiration whether she may accept been the victim of a patriarchal, politico-religious conspiracy. Instead, the cine strips its accountable of both its basal actual and allegorical elements and settles into an asinine artifice wherein Adult Báthory (Mena Suvari) uses online dating apps to allurement biting victims to her bar in Savannah, area her minions get them bashed on absinthe afore killing them and bubbler their blood. That’s appropriate — writer-director Adam Sherman didn’t anticipate hematophagy was a awe-inspiring abundant bubbler habit, so he threw a little blooming bogie in for acceptable measure. Ironically, the absolute Adult Báthory didn’t alcohol absinthe any added than she imbibed blood. How and why the adult fabricated it all the way from Hungary to Georgia is never explained; however, this film’s bigger abstruseness revolves about its cast. In accession to Suvari, the cine stars Stephen Dorff, Lochlyn Munro, Tyrese Gibson, and Tom Berenger. I would accept accepted to acquisition any aggregate of up to three of these actors, but all five? At some point they should accept accomplished that, if no best individually, they are collectively bigger than this. If these individuals affiliated their abbreviating resources, pulled whatever frayed strings they accept left, alleged in long-forgotten favors, dug deep, and advised continued and adamantine on what their adolescent selves would anticipate of them now, they could self-produce a nice little indie comedy-drama — which Gibson could alone accounts with some of that Fast & Furious cash. Instead, they all chose to hole it calm in an amateurish-looking slasher with an ultra-low account and an alike lower academician corpuscle count.